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Wherever You Are: The Military Wives: Our true stories of heartbreak, hope and love

There are times we are raising our kids alone, and we cannot, even if we wanted to, get a hold of our husbands…for weeks. So we have to have an answer for everything, or at least know where to find one, and that amount of stress is deafening.

We are happy to help out a friend, do someone a favor, and generally be a good person, of course. Every spouse has a few things that cause stress for her. Just leave her alone. If we can attend events, go on vacation with you, etc. We are always getting up in the middle of the night-always taking the dog out-always getting up with the kids-changing every diaper-washing every dish-taking out every trash bag-making every meal tired. Single parents…man, you are amazing.

This goes back to number 1. In order to feel in control, we make a system. This system is based on preventative maintenance. It keeps us sane, it holds things together and it makes us happy and keeps our kids on the right track. And who has to pick up those pieces? Obviously, we have fun and enjoy our children; in fact, they are often the best distraction from tough duty stations. Funny, silly, and so resilient. Or he acts out. And we have no idea what to say…because we have no idea when he is returning. We try various cute tricks: Yes, we knew what we signed up for when we got married.

Home can mean not traveling but working hour days. So we take kids to school concerts, sports games and put them to bed at night. We plan to have our children around the time our husbands will actually be home AND available. We plan family vacations and weddings around these schedules as well, and often, they get canceled or postponed. I know more than one military couple that eloped after their elaborate wedding was canceled due to a last minute trip. She said she was married to a man in the military and they got divorced because ultimately, the stress and distance was too much for her and her husband to handle.

Fortunately, the military encourages a few incredibly romantic evenings such as balls and homecomings where you can touch that magic…but they are not representative of our actual life. There are some things that are really freaking cool. Ever watched a ship pull in from deployment? Ever watched a change of command ceremony? Never a dry eye.

Have A Bless Day. Thank you for sharing. We have neices in the military. I have seen their life, but you shed even more light. You are all to be admired and emulated in how you handle life. Thanks for the great article, but please add the gastrointestinal issues to your list. Military husbands are stronger than military wives, but you knew that right? You are an insensitive, unforgiving type person. Why do you not befriend them. Why cannot you make an effort to do something outside your self important , judgmental self,.

I have never ever seen such stepford like women in my life! Weirdos that busy themselves with complete nonsense… Gossip, smoking on their porches every morning.. Smh and still on the porch when I get home! How do u live through a MAN???? SUCH sense of entitlement they are not doctors.. Most of us do have jobs. Some of us cannot work and keep the home together.

The people you are talking about do the same thing outside the military. Whether you are in or out of the military, married to a military member or not, I think we all know the difference between the types of people you describe and other types of people.

It sounds like you are a little stressed out. It seems like you are the only one with a job here. A lots of military wives want to have a job but cant because is not that easy to find people you can trust to watch your children while you are working. If nothing else at least get a hobby. When the men quit acting like jealous whores over a work permit that might be a possibility.. Its women like you that make women like me look like beast… Men want women that need them and depend on them for everything. You broads disgust me! Get your shit together and grow some balls… Boo how everything is hard.

I did not work for most of the 22 years my husband was in the service because, we had a young son that was born before boot camp and a second son born 10 years later. We Chose for me not to work until the boys were in High School and Middle school, why? Well, not that I am stupid or could not get a job, but because we wanted one constant parent there for the boys. One of us home when they left for school and one for the end of the day, to make it to concerts and their sports, to make it to every event and when they were home sick.

Believe it or not, most military wives make this choice. As for sitting on the porch talking all the time, that was the best. Yes, there was some gossip but it was more support, sharing ideas, advice, and just to know that they are going through the same thing that you are.

All the emotion, fear, frustration, and loneliness is shared during those talks. We have been retired for about 3 years now and I miss my Navy Wife Friends, I miss the talks and the friendship. Wondering if you have children? My husband retired from the AF 4 years ago. I spent 9 years doing home daycare because working outside the home, I would have made no money at all after daycare. Once they were all in school I worked part time and structured my work hours around school because my husband went tdy and to Afghanistan and Korea for a year.

Shame on you for being so judgemental. Sorry Joey but I disagree. Most military husbands could not do what their wives do!!! Marie———- 26 year Marine Corps Wife!!! Military Husbands deal with the exact same issues that military wives deal with. How dare you think you are a better spouse than him because you have ovaries. For you to be married 26 years, you act like a teenager. Fuck you, how long has ur husband served, 2 yrs, 4, 8? How old r u 26, 29? I know I nailed it! You got the women cussing you, as if she know you or your maner is all to familar your reply was as if you the man she talking about is a perfect soilder AYUT!!

I have to agree, never in the 14 years have it ever belittled my husband! I know most times we let our soldiers do and handle things. However, I have learned a lot in the 12 years of being an active duty wife you got to seriously know your role and how to muscle your way through. As a spouse is have learned I have a voice, opinion and a right to speak. So when you get told to keep your mouth shut or your husband gets told to control his wife, haha , wrong here can no more control you than your children can.

Keep digging ladies and gentlemen of soldiers there is a way and a light at the end of the tunnel! Marie, First, let me tell you something about myself. Why do you think stay at home moms work harder than stay at home dads? People like you actually make it even harder for men to be stay at home dads.

Why tear one another down? Who do you think volunteers at the schools during the school day? When my kids were toddlers it meant going to Peanut Festivals and Air Shows, zoos and museums, an arboretum explained as a tree museum , Monticello, Mount Vernon, aquariums, street festivals, turning trips to get the oil changed into explorations of different types of stores or identifying different types of vehicles.

I know for a fact that I could not fill the shoes of my very supportive wife while I am gone. While I work 8 time zones away, she has raised two girls. Yes my job is difficult but in a different way. She would not be able to do my job just the same I would not be able to do hers. Please do not take things out of context on here.

I am a military man who is gone more than 6 months out of every year. If you have not experienced them leave it alone. LC Gee, thanks for clearing it up for me. During Desert Storm I was mobilized we had no children and got to see what it was like to be at sea; actually many of the Reservists aboard USNS Comfort were also dependent wives and we quite enjoyed the adventure knowing, of course, that eventually we would be going home to our normal lives. Eight years later, when my husband went on his six month cruise and I was home with our toddler, there were times I was a bit jealous.

The number one rule of deployments is that whatever can go wrong will… the car, the plumbing, the roof… a hurricane. That is exactly what my husband said to me, when I was out of commission for 3 months hospital and bed rest He not only had to do my job, but his and finally understood what I actually did all day, He then told me he could never do his job without me at home doing what I do. He knows that together we are team. Having to leave his family when duty calls is not easy.

Missing special occasions sucks. Every military family is different. The jobs offered on post are more catered to females making it harder for a man to get a job. Then he is looked at like a piece of trash cause he doesnt have a job. The FRG is catered to females. Yes males are welcome but he is looked at and treated strangely.

So it is harder for a male. While his wife is out fighting the bad guy he is at home alone with no one at all to talk to or hang out with or to help him through these times. I am a woman I have been on the spouse of a soldier and now I am the soldier while my husband struggles to keep our home together.

He definitely has it a lot harder than I did. Sorry I would spell check but my ignorance was issued here so it just makes my post that much more authentic. Thank you so much for writing this! Only 4 years and 3 deployments in and I have felt every single point you made! Home run on this one! Let those around you know your needs so WE can help You!!! You guys should just lick each others kunts and get it over with. That is completely uncalled for and rude. I take extreme exception to that. I am not dependent on my husband for anything. I hold three degrees, work a full-time job, and take care of our children and home.

I hope ur friend the devil spits in ur face an takes you home with him you have no idea wat your talking about so until you do shut up an go live overseas with ur friends the enemy pervert. Best to just skip over their comments—otherwise, you feed into their miserable life. My ex husband was airforce i was army and my new husband is airforce.

Then get a job, Joyce. Get a job and help pay for others who are serving the country including your husband. She should get a job. Focusing on raising secure, valuable citizens for this nation is nonsense. For about 2 months. The emergency leave was because my dad had to be revived twice after dying twice. I had to quit what I loved doing because daycare is not going to raise my children. So tired of the ridiculous mindset that belittles those of us who put our children and husband before our own ambitions and agendas!

I avoid people with her outlook like the plague. I beg to differ. This belief is not true. We need to stop judging each other as spouses and start supporting each no matter what choices we make. We all stand beside our military spouse in support of them and freedom. Wow your a real peach Nadia. Are you a mole…. I think you might be on the wrong site. Please consider changing for my sake.

It is one thing to say Get a job and another one to find one, especially in a small country town attached to a Defence Base and in the current global finance crisis! The people , the places and experiences are just magical but the aloneness does get to you but believe it or not it is worse after the kids leave the nest and your husbands are not home. Right out of my mouth too! No money is not in abundance, we are not rich. Like so many ppl want to believe… And military ppl pay into unemployment….. NOPE ex military can not collect unemployment!!!

But by god they have to pay in to it!! Could never figure that one out! Those of you that are not military nor have ever been military …….. But I would love to ask you to put yourself into our Millitary wives shoes, and below is how the shoes look like: For those who have kids, they have a job, a both father and mother parenting job. Please Nadia, put yourself in that shoes then read your own comment to see how awful that comment is. I was a military spouse for 10years, worked full time and did all of this.

It often goes unnoticed. Good for her for speaking up. We it may seem like we have more duties than our husbands and maybe some of us do. Some wives may have a job and some may not. They carry more stress. We miss ONE person our husband misses more than one if you have children. They cannot do anything they want to do. They get yelled at for something someone else did. Sure their job may end at the end of the day they may get a break from work unlike the wives to with the kids.

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Sure I may want sometime alone because I never get it. But I am a mom I believe that is the mothers main job. If I did than maybe I should go out and get a job. But I love being home with my children I love being home for my husband. I guess all in all I think my husband works harder than I do. I never wake him up at night for the children because he works the nest morning and has to get up at five I can take a nap if I get a chance. I love my husband and I love my job.

I never complain about it because I love it. I love spoiling him and my kids. I think you are assuming that all military wives are just that. I am nurse as well as a wife and mother. I have a found a job every time we moved. I definitely had an organizational system in place that accounted for late nightsat the ball field and a sitter lined up when I had to work late.

I had friends that I ccar pooled with and on ocassion covered early morning shifts with breakfast and evening meals. Being employed and a part time single parent us difficult and when you look back. In that is the satisfaction and know all that you CAN do it again and you will! All I knew was that I was so grateful when my husband was able to be with us. He was a medic so most of his war stories were not what anyone would want to hear. I feel very accomplished as my children ended up acceptable adults and their dad died just 53 days after he retired.

I thank God every day for the experience of being an Army wife as it taught me how to cope and manage. Not always temporary if one has an education and a career. Jobs and careers are two different things. Nadia, please note that Joyce says she was active duty Army. Even if that is not true, she is the spouse of a military member. She is deserving of our thanks and respect. It is very difficult to find a job when we move so often, even with transferable skills. I am the person who, more often than not, without him, executes a move from one coast to the other about every two years.

I manage the move; monitor the packers who often steal things , the movers who usually break something , find a new home, clean the old home, research schools and crime statistics, rent the U-Haul and drive our two kids, two dogs and cat 1, miles or more each time. I fill out the paperwork to file a claim for the stuff that gets stolen, lost or broken.

Then deal with the tears. I am the person who manages the budget, cleans the house, cares for the kids, and cries many long lonely hours when my best friend is unreachable for weeks at a time. I cry because I miss my best friend, my partner in life, the person with whom I have children. I cry because my children cry when they miss their Daddy. And by the way, we have not been fortunate enough to get a duty station anywhere close to our families, so when I get to a new duty station, I have no one.

If we can afford it, we pay out-of-pocket to travel to visit our families at the Holidays. Usually, though, we are just us — me and the kids — for holidays and birthdays and spelling bees and school plays and swim meets. Nobody owes me anything except respect. Kate, Thank you for your service, stand proud…you are the lady standing right beside the wonderful service member..

I spent 22 years doing the same things, you just spoke of and I hold my head high, We praise the Good Lord for our country, and would do the job all over again. As a matter of fact our 4 children have followed in our foot steps. So I guess we have done it all over again. Thank your mate too. Master Chief, Thank you for your support, your service, the service of your Sailor, and that of your children!

Its a small Navy world: God Bless, and Happy Holidays! Kate, sadly there are some who can not grasp the full scope of being a military spouse. Not many can handle this life and bless you for doing your job of supporting your husband and being the stability for you kids! I hope that you read this note of mine because you deserve to know that your kids are benefiting from your dedication. At least until my husband retires or I find the perfect flexible opportunity that will accommodate my position as navy spouse AND utilize my Harvard University MA.

So there, Nadia, suck it. For Navy groups, check out http: And you can always work your schedule around the needs of your very special child: Thank you for your eloquent response to an ignorant statement. The problem is that unless someone is in our shoes they will never understand. I had a career before my husband and kids. I will rebuild what I can when we move for our final time this year.

Column: How do we get over losing the love of our life?

After 30 years active duty my husband has chosen to retire. Thank you for not responding to Nadia in the same base language and behavior she exudes. People like that will never understand. Kate you are awesome and spot on! We do all of that and even more! Some of us have careers outside of the home but a lot of us make our family and this lifestyle our career. We do not ask for handouts but merely want our feelings validated and respected. Thank you for spelling it out to the poor souls who lack the respect and compassion to walk a mile in our shoes.

Blanca, you are correct. I thought I knew what I was getting into — a 2 year tour in Pensacola, then retirement and back to MD and our families. But my husband kept getting promoted. No one owes you anything, including respect. I do it every time without bitching about it. You are the one who makes it difficult.

Having a puppy is just as hard, possibly harder, than raising a child. Yes, I just went there. Women think they are a special breed after they have children, but anyone can lay on their back and get pregnant. You all start to think you should make millions because you clean shit off another human several times a day. Just remember this, you made the decision to have children. No one forced you. Stop complaining about them! You, my dear, are an idiot. You have no idea to what you speak of. Be that as it may, I wish you future happiness you seem very bitter and a chance to love a child someday.

I am so sorry for you, Not Typical. I will pray that you find peace and are able to purge yourself of whatever tortures you so. But you, you are the filth and disgust that this country needs to rid itself of. If you think being a mother is easy, you are sadly mistaken.

I have not given birth but I have raised my niece since she was born. It is not a cake walk. It is hard work. I am disabled and waking up multiple times a night to feed another human, WIPE HER ASS, hold her, rock her back to sleep and wake up every 15 minutes to make sure she is breathing is exhausting and the most amazing thing in this world. She did not come out of my vagina but she is the most amazing thing to happen to me. Some people are not cut out to be mothers. You are not deserving of unconditional love from a child or a puppy.

You are the type of person who would probably abuse a poor child or animal. How dare you say those things. I feel extremely sorry for you. You must have had a horrible young life. You should probably seek some serious psychotherapy and the best psychiatrist in your area. You sweetheart are a cold, heartless bitch. Anyone can lie on their backs and get pregnant? Way to spit in the face of every woman struggling with infertility. Please know that you are appreciated. She also worked full time as as teacher at all our duty stations in the states and abroad.

I admire both my parents. That being said, I am not sure that I would have been able to do what my mom did…. All of you that have done so and continue to do so have my respect and admiration. Thank you for all your strengths, weaknesses, resourcefulness, sanity, insanity, compassion, determination. I could go on You are amazing. Very well said, Kate! This is much like my own story as an Air Force wife of 12 years and mother to 3 children. OMG, DO you know how hard it is to get a job every year or two years, never climbing the ladder, never getting a jog because you mention your a defence family, or never getting a job because you are a unknown.

Every move, every new job, I take with me my experience and skills, and I am continuing to make more each knotch up the ladder. Sometimes maybe a turn on your perspective can help. Next time, look at it this way and decide for yourself if it works: When you start a job, you are going in to help with a task.

Can you do the task? Every skill out there is learnable one. View them as YOUR client. But I thought you knew everything…. Starting at the bottom, part time, crappy shifts, struggling to find last minute babysitters for those crappy night and weekend shifts, because your husband is deployed all the time, mostly with less than 24 hours notice…. Get a better education and try harder. I am a military husband and raise 3 kids and a dog yet I still work.

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Must be a man thing. We have a stronger will. Maybe you established your family after joining the military. Oh and good for you. Joey Boots, You should be careful what you say. I have been married 14 years and moved 9 times. I have two children and a dog. I have both a BA and Master degrees. And I am sure you do not have a stronger will than I do. Oh, having a degree does not mean that you are better than someone who does not have one, it just means we had a different opportunity than others.

I believe its a thing we have instilled in our men vs. Education can come from books, interests, and sheer determination to be some one with skills and interests of their own. I move once every year, give or take like everyone else. My wife was ex military and she has withstood much more stress during my deployment time away than I ever did taking a sight picture on an enemy combatant..

Perhaps you and Nadia should get married.. I am a spouse, mother, student, and Ministers, wife. I was myself enlisted for four years, I have two teenage daughters with special needs how dare you call anyone one lazy because they do not have a traditional job. Okay Joey Boots, back off. A man thing how the h 88l are you to say it is a man thing. I raised two boys while my husband was gone for 13 months, then gone every three months, while working a full time job and taking care of the bills, the house, mowing the lawn, fixed leaking toilets, etc.

My suggestion to you is take a hike.

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When my father was stationed overseas and my mother and I were with him, civilians were given all the jobs, even baggers in the commissary, military dependents were not employed by any military base. Give me a call, until back off. If your will so strong then why arent you the one deploying. I run my own photography business, watch a child that isnt mine almost 80 hrs a week, i foster military family pets when they are pcsing, deploying or tdying.

Not to mention keeping my house not just spotless but you can white glove my house and not find any thing out of place. Not to mention keeping up with my own child and his sports and school assembles and everything else that comes with being a mom. Dont feel too inferior to us. And we do this all and keep ourselves put together. I have refrained from commentin on some of these ignorant post. My husband served 26 years in our Navy.

Guess how many kids— 4 , 2 Greman Shephards… oh I guess I will list my cats also. Nurse… work mostly nights.. Now my kids are grown and in the military. I have retired and so has my husband. Now he works 9 hour days as a fed. Doing the same job.. I started my own business.. You sir are an ass!!! Setting aside the single parenting that has to happen during deployments, that makes getting hired at all very hard, and due to the possibility of another move the job is unlikely to be one that pays enough to cover daycare because those kinds of jobs need people who will be around longer than years.

Yes Nadia you need to do some research on things not to say to a military spouse…did your mother not teach you that if you can not say anything nice then do not say anything at all! With a total of 7 deployments n all! This was my first move from my home state of Kentucky.. Now we are told we are headed to Germany for 3 years.. You surrender every day to a loving, merciful Savior with a Master Plan and irresistible Grace. What steps do I need to take to surrender those fears to God? What other things do I try to lean on- instead of God- when I am afraid? How can I make an effort to trust Him above all else?

Lord Jesus, thank You for your unending love and grace. I'm so thankful for the hope I have in knowing You- that You will never leave me, that You have control over all that goes on around me, and that You are for me. Help me to trust You and believe truth about You, even when fear surrounds me. Give me the strength to trust You in all things. Her current occupation is ringmaster of the Huggins family circus party of five. She has a B. Pull up a chair at her virtual beat-up kitchen table, listen to her stories, and maybe even tell her yours.

Where do you tend to fix your eyes? On the approval of others? On some other desire?

What steps do you need to take to fix your eyes on Christ? Prayer Lord, I am so thankful for Your great love for me, and that You are all-sufficient in every season of my life. I confess that I look to other things besides You- those things never bring true peace.


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Help me to turn my eyes on You in all situations, for all things. I trust that You are more than enough for me. Laura is a Christ-follower, Navy wife, mother to one toddler, writer, and coffee drinker. Do you remember the Sesame Street song, "That's about the size, where you put your eyes, that's about the size of it"? It's a song all about perspective based on what our eyes are focused on. It's a great teaching tool for little ones, and it can be a reminder to us big ones as well!

Wherever You are: The Military Wives: Our True Stories of Heartbreak, Hope and Love

Our perspective is based on where we put our focus. If we are focused on the One who loves us and has a unique and exciting plan for each of us, our perspective will be a good one. If we are focused on our circumstances, our perspective tends to be clouded by discouragement and a sense of being overwhelmed. My prayer is that this space will be where you will find strength and encouragement to place your focus where it ought to be.

May God bless you as you seek and follow him. Perhaps you have uttered those words yourself. Placing trust in someone can be very risky- there is great gain to be had if that person holds true to their word and great loss to be felt if they do not. Most likely we have all felt the crushing of our hearts when we trusted someone who proved to be untrustworthy, especially if the loss we suffered was great in doing so. Mary was a young girl who found herself in a very difficult and embarrassing position. She knew that she could be accused of adultery and stoned to death. Everything was at stake- her marriage, her reputation, her life.

Yet, Mary chose to believe God. She believed the words of the angel and of her cousin Elizabeth. Most importantly, she trusted the heart of the God she loved and served. Friend, you may find it hard to trust the people in your life. It is becoming increasingly difficult to trust our government. Sometimes it is hard to trust our husband, our family, or our friends, but the heart of our loving Father can always be trusted. This Christmas season I invite you to treasure the gift of Jesus in a fullness that you may have never known. Leave the doubts of your heart at the cross and seek the Baby in the manger with a completely open heart.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Prayer Father God, we confess our seasons of unbelief and we lay them down before you. You know the wounds of our hearts and the reasons we doubt. Heal those areas in our lives, Lord. This Christmas season we want You to fill us completely and wholly with Your love. Take a moment to reflect on how Mary and Joseph must have felt.

Do you trust God that deeply? Is there an area of your life that you need to let go and simply trust God? She writes about her life and her faith to encourage other women on her blog. Molly, what wonderful sentiments. I rely heavily I the promises of God, particularly the Psalms.

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I love that "He will never leave you nor forsake you". Something I learned recently about His answer to prayer: He always wants us to trust Him. Trending price New. People who bought this also bought. About this product Description Description. Their journey entranced the nation, and their story moved millions.

The Military Wives is a unique choir composed of the wives and girlfriends of military personnel deployed to Afghanistan. Publication Data Place of Publication. Show more Show less. No ratings or reviews yet.